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Friday, April 5, 2013

Cleanup On Aisle Douche Bag

Posted By: Heroic Henry - 12:54 PM
This story is short. This week flew by fast. My boss was still a jerk, but nothing major happened that I could blog about, till today.

Work was slow today, so my duties of the day consisted of cleaning. I started at my desk, then the rest of the "sales department".

I put things back in their correct locations. I vacuumed the whole place except the office of my boss. The reason I didn't vacuum or clean his office is because I was saving the WORST for last.

I finally finished, then decided to go ahead and start cleaning his office. He was sitting at his chair, eating his McDoubles. (McDonalds)

I started picking up all the papers scattered on the floor because they looked important. I also picked up all the old fast food garbage all over the floor.  I cleaned his desk, dusted, and shined all his office equipment.

I was finally done. As soon as I was walking out of his office, he said, "John, You missed a few things".

He then threw 3 McDonalds wrappers on the floor of his office.

I responded with, "Are you serious right now? I just cleaned your whole office. The trash is right next to you!"

He responded angered with, "Pick it up, bitch".

I was so pissed that I almost quit right there and then. But then I realized that I couldn't quit because I had to many great benefits here.

I didn't say anything and picked up his trash.

Boss, you're an asshole.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Can I get a Lunch Break?

Posted By: Heroic Henry - 1:38 PM
Today has been a stressful day. When I arrived at work, my boss told me that we are expanding our work in our industry. He said that we (we, as in just me) would be doing work that required to wear double latex gloves and constant cleaning on these new products.

My boss told me that this new "project" is a high priority that must me done as soon as possible.

I wasn't to thrilled about it, but since I work under this baboon, I knew I had to do the work. My boss told me to start immediately.

Time flew by as I worked my hands off. I checked the clock and noticed it was lunch time. I took off my gloves and noticed that my hands were stained red. I asked my boss if we had any cleaners that removed the red stains and he said yes because he came prepared.

I nodded and told him I was heading out to lunch. My boss cut me off and said "Not yet, we need to finish these as soon as possible".

I headed back to my new "work station" and didn't bother to argue because i'm used to taking late lunches. I then went back to work.

A few hours later passed, and noticed my boss was walking out. I asked right before he exited if I could take a lunch now. He responded with "Nah, keep working dude, i'm getting us lunch".

Thirty minutes later he came back with a bag of McDonalds. I remembered I didn't tell him what I wanted, so I was a bit confused. I asked him "What did you get us?" He responded with "I got me and Bill some double quarter pounders".

(Bill is our ONE employee that works in the back, manufacturing our real industry products.)

I responded with "Alright...I guess i'm going to lunch now". My boss replied with "Nope. Keep on working".

Irritated at this point, I didn't know what to do, so I kept on working. A couple of more hours passed then I realized it was already time for me to go home.

I cleaned up my station and headed to the bathroom to wash my hands with that special cleaning soap. I spent about 20 minutes trying to clean my hands but was unable to do so. My boss is already gone at this point so I couldn't yell at him.

So overall, my boss didn't buy me lunch like he said he would. He didn't LET me take a lunch so I could eat. He lied about being "prepared" with the cleaning supplies because both of my hands are stained bright red.

Boss, you're an asshole.


Thursday, March 28, 2013

When Customers Experience The Wrath

Posted By: Heroic Henry - 9:25 PM
Alright, this true story didn't involve my boss being an asshole. Actually, it did. Not towards me though. Remember that angry customer that called about his product not working in the previous post? Well, he decided to call again.

I was minding my own business doing my normal socistuff when the phone rang. I saw the caller ID and instantly recognized the phone number from the upset customer. Since my boss and I are the only ones in the "sales department" I knew I would have to answer.
al media marketing

I let the phone ring a few times, hoping that my boss would magically pick up. Guess what? He didn't pick up. I answered the phone and instantly started getting scorned by the customer.

The customer spoke with an irritated and firm voice saying, "I DEMAND MY MONEY BACK OR A NEW PRODUCT. I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH A MANAGER AND THE OWNER. I WILL GET MY LAWYER INVOLVED".

I responded quietly with "Please hold".

I told my boss that we have the same upset customer that called last week. My boss said to leave him on hold again.

I informed my boss that it's going to give us a bad name, and we really don't need this kind of publicity. I also told him that the customer was swearing and threatening to sue us.

Then my boss finally agreed to talk to the customer. Kinda. My boss answered the phone and used a fake name acting as a fake manager.

After that, it got ugly. There was loud yelling coming from both ends of the phone. I could tell because my boss put the call on speaker.

After about six minutes of getting no where in the conversation between my boss and the customer, my boss finishes the conversation with "...I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS. NO ONE CALLS MY COMPANY WITH YOUR SHITTY ATTITUDE. YOU ARE SHIT OUT OF LUCK BUDDY. YOU AREN'T GETTING SHIT FROM ME" and hangs up.

I didn't experience the wrath of my boss that day, the customer did. I feel sorry for the customer who patiently was on hold everyday.

Boss, you're an asshole.





Monday, March 25, 2013

The Extreme Laziness of My Boss

Posted By: Heroic Henry - 1:46 PM
My boss is lazy. Lazy is an understatement of what he actually is. Laziness is a small glimpse of his colorful character.

Last week, the company has been preparing for a trade show. Trade shows are the perfect spots for our company to display our products to possible dealers and consumers.

One of our dealers called and asked my boss to send him a copy of our business contract.

Before I go into detail, let me explain our phone policy. I have to answer every phone call that comes in. I don't mind answering calls, but I also have to answer the phone if I'm in the bathroom. How you might ask? I have to rush out and answer it before it stops ringing. If not, I'm in trouble.

I rush out of the bathroom, talk to our dealer, and he says he needs a business contract emailed to him. I walk to the office of my boss and let him know. (His office is 10 feet away from my desk) As I walk up, there is moaning coming from his computer speakers. That's right. He's watching porn. As usual.

He responds by saying "Get on my computer and send him the files from your email". I do so quickly, so I can continue my urgent task that I was assigned to do last minute.


I have to log in shipment reports, write shipping labels, print package labels, and schedule UPS to come pick up our products so we can ship them to the trade show. There was probably 10 minutes left before UPS would allow us to schedule same day pick up. We are two day shipping days away from the show. By that being said, I would have to ship the packages that day, or we would have to use the "Next Day AM" shipping method, which is four times the cost of "Ground" shipping method.

Our dealer responds and says, "How's the business going?" (Remember, this is sent to my email address). I told my boss that our dealer responded. Then my boss told me to respond with "It's going good man, how are you holding up with the strip clubs over there?"

As soon as he was done speaking, the phone rang. I told my boss that I couldn't answer the phone, or respond to the email right now because I had to ship our products or we will have to pay quadruple the shipping costs.

He responds by saying "Answer the call".

I answer the call. It's an upset customer because his product isn't working. He demands to talk to my boss. (The customer knows the name of my boss)

I told the customer "One moment, let me check if he's here". Then put him on hold. (That's another rule to our phone policy. I can never tell anyone that my boss is ever present)

I then tell my boss that it's an upset customer who has a broken product.  My boss tells me to tell him that he's not here.


I told the customer that my boss isn't here. The frustrated customer then decides to start yelling at me demanding to talk to another manager. I then put him on hold. I told my boss that the customer wanted to speak with a manger.

My boss responded with "Alright, that's fine. Leave him on hold till he hangs up. If he calls back, just hang up on him. Did you finish the shipping shit?"

I told him no, then looked at the clock, and realized it was past the time to schedule UPS pick up. I told him, and then he was pissed.

He then continues to yell at me saying I need to finish things on time and so on. I then told him I would of had it all done if he didn't tell me to do it last minute, answer his calls, and email our dealer for him.

He responds with "Dude, are you serious? You just need to be on your game. You're costing me so much money. C'mon John, you are jacking off my money".

I then just walked back to my desk then continued to do my actual job. Social Media Marketing. The original position I was hired in for.

Boss, you're an asshole.





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